2 posts tagged “inspiration”

I miss being inspired. More to the point I miss being able to be inspired. One of the worst things about my depressions is the deep anhedonia that accompanies it. I don't mean missing the little pleasures-- that hurts in a different way-- but the intense inner pleasure that comes with being inspired. The warm, happy feelings that come from a good meal or the happy coincidence of a favorite song coming on the radio are the things that sustain me, but inspiration is what I am being sustained for.

I want to find that part of me that can stand overwhelmed before a painting, in tears, for an hour. I'm not talking about going all emo here, just about being able to feel that bone-hungry resonance again, the kind that makes me want to get up and shove a book in someone's face to try to make them understand the power of that stanza, or listen to a song over and over again as it speaks to different parts of me.

I'm beginning to think maybe it can happen for me again. And just as I'm thinking about this I get an invite out of the blue to the Eyecandy group, where people appear to be sharing just this kind of stuff. I have no idea why I was invited, but thank you. Thank you.

I love words and quotations of many kinds, but there is one that has to remain central to my life. It is from Henry James' book The Middle Years:

We work in the dark-- we do what we can-- we give what we have. .Our doubt is our passion and our passion is our task. The rest is the madness of art.

I still get shivers when I ponder these words. A small sign that there might be something in me worth saving.